As has been established in three other blogs, in all of my time in college I have not been quite sure if it was the right decision for me. I am a semester and a half away from graduation and I still have not cleared that up.
My grades suffer from that uncertainty because the uncertainty leads me to procrastination and interrupts what plans I may have made to get things done. Where most procrastination stems from laziness, mine stems from having my focus pulled in several different directions at once. I am unable to prioritize my goals; they all have equally large risks and benefits, and each alternative would require significant, if not complete, abandonment of the others. At times, I think I am willing to sacrifice one thing, then later go back to it, unsure of my decision to let it go.
I really want to make music, and there's really no better time than now. I am young enough to tour, still experiencing the youthful and exciting parts of life that so many people identify with. I have caught on to the changes happening in the music industry and I am poised to exploit it before it becomes the norm. The music scene in my area is still budding, and I have a very good chances of getting to the forefront of that. On top of all this, I am in a position to network with people who can help me musically and in business aspects. Alas, that is where the schism lies.
I can get my degree and still have music be a part of my life to a lesser extent. To properly pursue a career in music, however, would mean turning my back on my schoolwork, almost immediately. But I've been able to accomplish what I have with music only because I'm in school. Free weekends and long winter and summer breaks and loan refunds that I may have used to purchase instruments or equipment. All of these things have been instrumental to my music "career" and I would have none of it without being in school. Having made it this far and seeing all it has allowed me to do, I really feel obligated to finish. It seems like it would be utterly ridiculous not to finish now. This close to being done, and even better, my last semester will be my least intense. It's the last leg of the race and the finish line is in sight. That should be motivation enough. Some days it is, most days it isn't.
The dilemma on whether or not to finish school causes me another dilemma, pertaining to my channels of income. I actually have a few channels to go through, the one having the most potential being the jobs that will become available to me after I receive my degree. But I also have a partnered YouTube page, a Bandcamp account, I've monetized this blog, and in a few steps could have a card reader for my PayPal account (to use for busking or merch sales if I ever have "merch"). All of these channels, these riverbeds, are dry, but with some creativity and commitment, could be rained on easily, and go from being dry channels to being revenue streams. But as I said before, that commitment thing puts me in a pickle. It takes money to make money, and I have some, but deciding what to do with it has been nearly impossible.
For now, if I can't muster the commitment to get the riverbeds rained on, I can use what focus and resources I do have to at least moisten them from time to time. At least I have the channels, which is more than most people can say. And I'll end on that little peace of satisfaction.
Usual 50 points for reading. An extra 200 if you've got your shit together. Subtract 20 if you're struggling like me, because that's not OK and you should do better.
JOSH, THE SHERM
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