Trying to Not Disappoint the Parentals

My mother wants me to finish school. She says she believes I can do it. She's not lying, and she's not wrong. She really does believe it, and it is true that I can. Somehow, though, I keep asking myself if I really want to. On most days the answer is no, but then I ask myself a question my father would ask me.

"Well, what do you want to do then?"

And as much as my father would hate to hear it, the answer is

That's his least favorite response from anyone, and for good reason. That phrase is just a set up for making excuses instead of trying find a legitimate answer (or even fabricating a bogus one for expedience). That phrase is also why I'm typing this somewhere on Coastal Carolina's campus. I just really don't know what else to do besides trudge down the prescribed path into the generally accepted image of success (or at least somewhere in the middle of it; never the best, never the worst), so I'm still in school because I don't know where else to go and what else to do. Home is always an option but I get the feeling my "Welcome" will wear out long before I'd want it to. I'm stuck, becuase I have no brilliant ideas of how to obtain that coveted unconventional success, achieving the highest of highs by straying from the beaten path.

Truth is, I don't dare leap before I look. At least not yet, because I happen to know that the beaten path is beaten for a reason: IT WORKS. Sure, the road less traveled can lead to the most sought after treasures, but it is a laborious path with no promise that it won't lead to a deep dark pit of poverty that very few manage to escape. The lure of that treasure does not trump my fear of the depths of that pit, therefore, I remain on the regular road everybody else has been traveling.

I thought I had a point somewhere in here...

Passing thought came up that I could do this blog thing. People have and are definitely making a living from it (how extravagant or modest a living that is, I'm unsure) but the problem there, is that I'd have to convince people that my opinion is worth reading and that I'm someone worth giving a damn about. And right now, for all intents and purposes, I am no one important. I still don't know what to do.

What I do know is that I want something that I'm not getting here in college, and no amount of tuition paid, no GPA earned in bogus and irrelevant classes, no hope for a piece of paper with my name and major penned across it in calligraphy is getting me any closer to getting what I want, except maybe showing me an accolade that I do not really care to attain. I want to go make some irrational decisions in hopes of getting positive results, but once again, I'm not really the one to take such a blind leap.

I'm just tired of the uncertainty.

No points for anyone. You get where I want to go and you can have all the points you could ever imagine.

JOSH, THE SHERM