When On Top, Be On Top

It's kind of funny how things go. I've been blogging for nearly a decade, but between my last post and this one, I ended up in a situation where I am required to blog, for a grade. I made a new one, because if you've read most of my blogs up to this point (I see the metrics and I know there's no one who actually has), you'll know that this one is not sufficient for that endeavor. Far too many personal experiences and four letter words.

Also, since my last post, things transpired. A lot of things, mostly to do with school. They are summed up in this video.

One thing in particular that happened, which I glossed over in the video, is that I seriously considered the possibility that I may be suffering from depression or bi-polar disorder. I noticed that a lot of my problems were directly connected to my unwillingness to get out of bed in the morning. I also noticed that even if I was proactively aware of things that needed to get done I would fail to do them as a result of paralyzing anxiety. These things were consistent with the behaviors of someone I know that is clinically depressed. Seeing as I am not a psychologist (although I had at some point intended to be), I cannot properly diagnose myself and need to see a professional to give the word one way or another. I've made that appointment.

There was a phrase one of my wrestling coaches used to say, and I thought I understood it back then, but it has come back with so much more meaning now. That phrase is "When on top, be on top." Both on and off the mat, the meaning of that phrase is to take the advantage given to you. Back then, it mean working towards a pin and keeping your opponent down on the mat. Today, it means accomplishing as much as I can when I'm feeling good so that I don't fall as far behind when I'm feeling bad.

Where that video ends is essentially where I stand today, convinced that I have to finish school, and determined to not have anymore setbacks in that process. I will not have a music career (at least not within the next 6 months) so I can safely put those aspirations to rest and focus. I still play my instruments regularly, though. That shit is fun, and there's no reason I can't be happy while I finish school.

Regular 50 points for reading. No extras this time.

JOSH, THE SHERM