Title goes here.

So, I've realized that my version of alcoholism has an off switch, in the form of simply not buying alcohol. This works so long as no one offers it to me for free, and even that would be a limited supply. These facts would be more reassuring if I didn't have vodka and whiskey in the house right now.

I've also realized that my little "horny" problem has a specific trigger, which unfortunately isn't going away anytime soon. I'm stuck on her. She irritates me and it's clear that I've been used, but until someone else comes along, I'm stuck.

I'm a lifeguard now. That should be documented here, this blog being for posterity and all. The week of training was brutal. At one point I was more focused on trying not to cry than learning about CPR. It wasn't the training itself that was so hard, it was the fact that it was four hours of training after an 8 hour work day and I hadn't had a day off in a week. Fatigue is a bitch. But I survived that, got my uniform and signed my license.

That's all the important stuff for now.

50 points for reading. No extras.

JOSH, THE SHERM

The Problem

So, I'm thinking I might be an alcoholic. Not the kind that has to drink every day and is a regular at the bar, but the kind who cannot drink responsibly. If there is drink, I'm getting drunk. Period. The thing is, I've known this for a while and rarely try to stop myself. It doesn't control me, yet, but I'm hoping I can avoid getting to that point.

I don't know whether or not to seek counseling. On the one hand, I have identified and admitted to my problem, but on the other hand, it hasn't been a huge hinderance. Some drunk calls/texts/tweets, and one time a little friskiness, but never anything too serious. Yet.

I don't think I'll be invited to the next party. That's a good thing. I probably shouldn't go. I pretty much know what's going to happen. Just drunk enough to not be able to get home on my own. I'm a problem for someone else. I'm a problem for myself. I need sleep.

50 for reading. 100 for 100 proof, and I love you.

JOSH, THE SHERM

Second Puberty

I swear, I thought this was over in high school; maybe freshman year of college at worst. But puberty-type stuff is happening to me again. Mostly just two things though-- my voice is cracking again and I'm having to hide boners like squirrels hide acorns.

The voice cracking, I can't explain, but I'm more equipped to deal with. Just clear my throat and repeat what I said, this time without the squeak. But this horniness is crazy. I feel like I impregnate every woman on a small island nation, then do it again. And I think I know what caused it (that story is not and likely will not be on the internet, but if you're someone far in the future trying to learn about my past, it's typed up on my laptop). What kind of black magic is this? I understand I'm easy, but am I hooked, too? I've tried the usual old jerk'n'tug, but now that I've experienced something besides left or right, I'm starting to feel the urge to explore and see what else I can get. I just want to go back to a time when I wasn't constantly trying to recall the quadratic equation or the degrees of a unit circle (apparently, math kills boners).

What makes this even more difficult to deal with is the fact that I cannot discuss this with anyone outright. Most people won't want to hear it, and those willing to listen will not have valuable advice. So I'm stuck by myself with a stiff dick. This is not ok.

Regular 50 points for reading. An extra 100 because, even though I don't want to be, I'm DTF.

JOSH, THE SHERM