You never expect that the last time really was THE LAST time.
A woman from church passed away recently, a woman that I would consider very close. My mom drove her home and I walked her to her door when I was back home just a month ago. I am definitely not happy to know that she's gone, but at the same time, I'm not as affected as I'd expect to be in such a situation.
I said she was close, but that doesn't describe the relationship. I'm not one to claim people as family, but to put it into perspective for you, she was like another grandmother. I didn't ever see her and not speak and somehow the conversation always ended on "I love you." That kind of close. I've dealt with loss before, but this time the usual symptoms - heart dropping into the intestines, a dreamlike state of disbelief, the genuine tears - just didn't show up. The news was delivered to me in a matter-of-fact way, and I received it just the same.
All I can think about is the last time - that and how I'm not responding the right way. I feel worse about my reaction than her death, and ever worse about the priorities of my emotions, considering. I guess the best way to handle it is to say I'm really going to miss her. Because I am. I feel like you don't get too many people like that in a lifetime and when you lose even one, you've lost an asset more valuable than you can calculate.
JOSH, THE SHERM
